I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
