i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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