I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
