The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will be naked everywhere
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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