dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
