i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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