in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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