We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
