I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
