So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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