And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
