well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
