Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize