I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
