My brain says no but my pants say off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
