Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
