i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
