I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
