I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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