I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
