The maid of honor just puked.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
