YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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