Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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