There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
