I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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