What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
