ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize