I wish my penis had an off switch
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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