I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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