Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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