Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
