people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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