i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
