tonight lets celebrate not being married
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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