You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
