You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
