Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
