Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you had me at cake vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
