The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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