Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
