I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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