I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
