Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
