i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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