fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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