I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
