he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Welp...herpes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
