high people should be assigned attendants
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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