Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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