well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
