I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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