so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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