real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
