Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize