Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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