so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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