he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
