My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
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she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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