spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
