Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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