fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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