dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
