the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
