The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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