Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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