you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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