Your face is a jimmy john
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
