I love black thongs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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