The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
