You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
